ang gusto...

gusto ko mg-blog... para kasing ang dami kong gustong sabihin s yo blogspot ko.. pero s tuwing pupunta n ko s page n to... natitigilan ako... s dami siguro ng gusto ko sabihin, wala akong ma-compose khit isa...

mejo madami n ding nangyari s 3 araw..... madami n.... at bawat araw n lumilipas.... sobrang ng-tha-thank you ako s Lord dhil ang totoo... biyaya nya tlg lahat ito....

isang nakakalungkot lng n bagay.... im back to my old self... my old me..... kung ano ito... mukhang d p dpt sabihin s ngyon...

ilang panahon n siyang nawala... at akala ko nga d n babalik.. pero ng dhil lng s isang maling salita.... biglang ngbalik ang lht.... hindi ko ginusto pero sobrang nakaapekto ng malaki s kin s ngayon..... dhilan kung bkit ang nakaraan ay nagbalik....

ang maskarang matagal ng hinubad ay kailangan uling suutin....

mahirap pero kaya ko ito.... sayang lng pero mgiging maayos din ang lht kesa nuon.... mahihirapan akong muli s bagay n yun dhil muli may sumira ng paniniwala ko s bagay n un... pero positibo akong bblik uli s normal ang lht para s kin...

kung kelan... d ko alam eh... TIWALA AT SALITA KASI ANG NASIRA......

sobrang miss....

ang totoo.... sobrang miss ko n talaga.....

haaaayyyyyyy.... kung pwede lang sana ipagsigawan.. kung pwede lang sana sabihin s harap ng maraming tao... ginawa ko n... dhil ang totoo... sobrang miss n tlg....

kaso wait............... hindi pwede.... hindi mo alam kung ano mangyayari pg gnwa mo un at lalong hindi ka binigyan ng karapatan n gawin un.... hahaha... how sad nmn un.... pero that's how ironic life is... not that it's unfair... life is so fair... sobrang fair... and believe it...

kung minsan... bkit gnun... bkit pkiramdam mo kung dun n nga lang s isang bagay n nkkpgpasaya s yo... my limitasyon p din... hindi mo p din maramdamang masaya k... hindi nmn un bad... pero sumhow feeling ko.. laging kontrolado...

alam mo bang dun lang ako masaya.... alam mo ung feeling n hindi tlg para s yo... khit p ok n sana....ok nga b??? mukhang un lng kasi ang gusto mo paniwalaan pero ang totoo... hindi nga yata ok tlg....

hahaha.. ayoko n magsalita dito.. kasi nararamdaman ko n nmn ang sakit eh... ayoko n muna... wait lang... kalma muna puso ko... maxado n yang duguan... baka maubos ang lhat ng dugo nyan at makita mo ang sarili mo naghihingalo n...

tama n muna... nasasaktan ksi ako... pakalmahin ko muna ang puso kong masakit n....

next time n lng....

impart love and grace....

IMPART LOVE AND GRACE....

haaaiiizzz.... ibang pakiramdam tlg.. at alam ko nmn kung bakit??? yoko n lng tlg mgsalita...

hayaan mo n lng beth..... gnun tlg.. siguro isang bagay yan n khit kelan hindi mo n maiaalis.... at kung mgbabago man.. well... wait for a lifetime b???

sorry k, mtindi kalaban mo ngayon... emosyon n yan eh.. at hindi basta-basta yan ngpapatalo khit p nga alam mo naman at nkikita mong mali at hindi n tama...

ang kailnagan mo... patience.... and again impart grace and love.... dhil s ayaw mo man at s gusto...wala k ng magagawa jan s bagay n yan...

pagsisihan mo man... too late n.... at isipin n sana hindi n lng nangyari at hindi mo nlng ginawa... pero wala n nga eh...maybe u've created one of the biggest mistake in ur life.... and that is......_________________________________________.... but u can never know if it's really a mistake or not... hu knows tlg... let's just wait and see.... hope k n lng n hindi p din db....

basta alam ko.. kung gnito man ako, my pinaghuhugutan.... sana pwedeng turuan db?..sana pwedeng i-dictate lahat ng gusto mong gwin at sbihin...sana parang robot n lng n pwedeng susian.. para alam mo wen to go and wen to stop.... gnun lng kadali ang mging bagay-bagay.. db?

ang dami kong gusto sabihin p s yo blog... pero for now.. i must choose to be quiet....

hanggang dito n lng... hanggat kaya ko p... impart grace and love and understanding tlg....

bk matapos din ito at dumating s realizations ng buhay....

no choice k beth... i mean u've made the most precious choice pala....

u love what u choose and prove to urself that whatever happens... ur determined to do it...

no more... no less...

just impart love, grace and understanding....

impart grace and love....

IMPART GRACE AND LOVE.....

haaaiiizzz.... ibang pakiramdam tlg.. at alam ko nmn kung bakit??? yoko n lng tlg mgsalita...

hayaan mo n lng beth..... gnun tlg.. siguro isang bagay yan n khit kelan hindi mo n maiaalis.... at kung mgbabago man.. well... wait for a lifetime b???

sorry k, mtindi kalaban mo ngayon... emosyon n yan eh.. at hindi basta-basta yan ngpapatalo khit p nga alam mo naman at nkikita mong mali at hindi n tama...

ang kailnagan mo... patience.... and again impart grace and love.... dhil s ayaw mo man at s gusto...wala k ng magagawa jan s bagay n yan...

pagsisihan mo man... too late n.... at isipin n sana hindi n lng nangyari at hindi mo nlng ginawa... pero wala n nga eh...maybe u've created one of the biggest mistake in ur life.... and that is......_________________________________________.... but u can never know if it's really a mistake or not... hu knows tlg... let's just wait and see.... hope k n lng n hindi p din db....

basta alam ko.. kung gnito man ako, my pinaghuhugutan.... sana pwedeng turuan db?..sana pwedeng i-dictate lahat ng gusto mong gwin at sbihin...sana parang robot n lng n pwedeng susian.. para alam mo wen to go and wen to stop.... gnun lng kadali ang mging bagay-bagay.. db?

ang dami kong gusto sabihin p s yo blog... pero for now.. i must choose to be quiet....

hanggang dito n lng... hanggat kaya ko p... impart grace and love and understanding tlg....

bk matapos din ito at dumating s realizations ng buhay....

no choice k beth... i mean u've made the most precious choice pala....

u love what u choose and prove to urself that whatever happens... ur determined to do it...

no more... no less...

just impart love, grace and understanding....



s

day 4...

DAY 4: KEEP WHAT IS WORTH KEEPING.....

grabe this really strikes me... i haven't heard anything from work today n magic word.... at kung san ko p natangggap ang word n ito.... thru my devotion this early morning....

hahaha.. grabe.... sobrang napatigil ako ng mabasa ko ito..... is this word reminding me of sumthing??? Ayoko sana pero the truth remains.. that this word... this day 4 word means a lot.. and ...

reminding me to KEEP WHAT IS WORTH KEEPING....

hhhmmmmm...... pano kung minsan naiisip ko ng ayoko n lng sana... pwede nmn un at posible.. dhil choice ko tlg un... at un ang ginusto kong mangyari....

pero un b tlg ang gusto ko, un b tlg ang choice ko... un b tlg ang makakapgpasaya s kin... kapag pinili kong itapon at bitawan ang mga importanteng tao at bagay s buhay ko... have to admit... hindi tlg...

at khit p nasasaktan ako right now.. i must admit... masaya p din ako n ingatan at i-keep siya.. sila...

hurt lng ako... siguro s npkraming realizations at gusto ko mang i-broadcast dito s blog ko just to alleviate the pains.... again... im reminded not to... bk mabasa niya... masasaktan lng sya...

hahaha.. yan ang ugali kong hindi maintindihan n bestest paul.... ang hilig kong i-kip s srili ko ang npkraming bagay.. wag lng mk-hurt ng ibang tao...senxia n girl h... gnito lng tlg k-bait ang bestest mo.... martir...hahaha... mana lng s yo... hehehe...

ay naku.. so much for this... basta day 4....

KEEP WHAT IS WORTH KEEPING....AND I WILL....

A PROMISE IS A PROMISE BESTFRIEND....

day 3...

day 3: BE SENSITIVE...

day 3 marked of what really needs to be done..... mejo matagal tagal ko din n hindi maxado pinansin ang word n ito... maybe because... ayoko lng tlg... but i guess...

it's about time.... BE SENSITIVE....

minsan nmn, mging aware k s paligid mo and what's happening.... kung siguro wala ka talagang pakialam.. ok lng.. pero kung sumhow concern k din at love mo ang gngawa mo at ang mga taong nkplibot dito... siguro it's not bad nmn to think how wud they feel if you wud continue to do the things you've been doing....

konting effort lng ito s part mo.. well.. at least, i might say.. konti lng.. kc hindi nmn dpt big issue ito kung mahalaga s yo ung tao or yung sumthing n un... think how wud u feel if you were in their shoes... hindi b masasaktan k din... hindi mhirap ito... konting effort lng... and presto... ok n...

just be sensitive.... that's all for today....

and day 3 is saying that YOU MUST BE SENSITIVE..... DON'T ALLOW YOURSELF BE CALLOUS OF THE SITUATIONS... THERE IS STILL TIME... BE SENSITIVE..... BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE....

day 2....

day 2: FOCUS...

to avoid mistakes... start focusing on what you should be only doing.... wag k n muna maglagay ng extra-curricular activities n hindi nmn tlg need s ngayon....

FOCUS... FOCUS... FOCUS.. on what needs to be done... hirap kasi s yo... maxado mong nilalagay ang focus mo s hindi nmn dpt.... palibhasa gusto mo kaya akala mo necessity n sya s buhay mo...

heller..... pwedeng gumising k n????? wag k nmn maxadong matulog s pansitan...????

hindi mo dpt laanan ng pansin ang hindi nmn gnun ka-importante s ngyon... dhil hindi ito ang priority mo for now....

tingnan mo h.. s sobrang focus mo s hindi nmn dpt.... ngkakaron tuloy ng problema s ibang bagay.... ewan ko s yo kung pansin mo ito... pero gnito tlg ang nangyayari kapag hindi tyo nk-focus....

at ngayong 2nd day.... ng-strike s kin ang word n ito... FOCUS....

ako din nmn kc... minsan hirap mg-focus s dpt kong gwin lalo n kpg ang involve n eh ikaw.... ewan ko b.. pero this time mas lalo akong decided n tapusin ang countdown n ito....

at kung ano p ang matututunan at madidis-cover ko s mga susunod n countdown ko... for sure... sobrang excited ako dun..... kasi my matututunan ako dun....

hahaha... random uli ang isip ng may-akda...

day 1...

Day 1....

PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS.......

Inisip ko lang kailangan ito..... kc sbi nga s training nmin knina... kaya madalas ngkakaron ng pgkakamali s mga ginagawa ntin minsan...it's because we DONT PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS..

We tend to do our own ways knowing that we are doing the right thing.... but only to find out in the end that the situations just become more worst than before... and most of the time... it's too late co'z u already caused damage and pain and hurt to others because of what you've done....

well... sumtimes.. dat's life... no... dat's us....

WE WANT TO LEARN THINGS THE HARD WAY.....

PERO BKIT NGA B?... Y LEARN IT THE HARD WAY... WEN U CAN LEARN IT IN THE MOST EASIEST WAY....

OK DB?... AT LEAST D GNUN K-HIRAP AT K-PAINFUL... D MADALI PERO D NMN BIBIGYAN K NG HEARTACHE S HULI...

MAS PILIIN MO N LNG TO LEARN IT IN AN EASY WAY.... AT MANGYAYARI SIGURO UN.. IF U KNOW HOW TO PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS.....

wala lang... random thoughts uli....

countdown...

... and now i'm starting all over again.....

muntik ko ng malimutan... bawal n nga pala mg-express dito ng basta-basta..... khit p blog ko nmn ito...

eto n lng...


WOULD THE COUNTDOWN STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN...?????

BECAUSE I THINK..... IT WILL.....

sa lahat ng oras.....

" Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land - against the kings of Judah, it's officials, it's priests and the people of the land. They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you." declares the Lord..."
Jeremiah 1:18-19

nothing to be afraid of... co'z it's the LORD WHO DECLARES IT THRU HIS SPOKEN WORD...

life is not that really easy... but life without Jesus is really a mess... ryt???

so thank you n khit alam mong s araw-araw ibat-ibang bagay ang nakaumang s iyo n ggawin ng kaaway just to destroy you.... after all... wala siyang magagawa not until you've given him the opportunity to penetrate into your life...

at the end of this day... i'm taking God's word today.... that He has made me more stronger.. more firm..that whatever situations arises and people do to me... i will still emerge as a fortified city, an iron pillar, a bronze wall... that if they fight against me.... they will not overcome me...

y?

simply because... I HAVE MY GOD WHO IS WITH ME AND WHO WILL RESCUE ME... AND THAT WAS WHAT HE PROMISE TO ME TODAY....

SO GO ON WITH LIFE KADESH..... ENJOY EVERYTHING... NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF....

ENJOY AND SEIZE THE DAY.....

THANK YOU LORD...

ANG DAMI NA...

marami sana gusto sabihin s yo blogger ko....kaso lately narealize ko... madaming tao n ang apektado s tuwing nababasa nila ang mga gusto kong sabihin...

iniisip ko minsan... eh bakit b??? db nga.... mga UNSPOKEN WORDS ko ito... n sana khit dito man lang s blog ko eh ma-i-voice out ko.... kaso khit pala dito hindi pwede.... i mean hindi ganun kadali...

kaya, npag-isip-isip ko n..... simula ngayon... piliin n ang blog n gusto ko i-post.... hahaha... pwede b yun eh... outlet ko nga ito... hindi b pwedeng kahit dito... pgbigyan nyo akong mging tao... maging ako... kasi ayoko nmn n itago lahat s puso ko ito...

wala n ngang may gustong makinig... blogspot n lng.. tpos... mpipigilan p... hay naku nmn...

pero sige... pagbigyan ang lahat.... kailangang maunawaan ang mga tao at mga bagay-bagay khit p minsan hindi mo n din kaya tlg....

ika nga.. GRACE RULES...

GRACE... GRACE... GRACE.... GRACE... GRACE... GRACE..... GRACE... GRACE... GRACE...

at walang katapusang.....

GRACE...... PARA S IYO AT S AKIN....

ang bait ng Diyos natin db???? nag-uumapaw s lahat....

SALAMAT LORD...

A FRIEND

I've still been searching
And long have I waited
For someone to like me as me
To laugh with
To cry with
To be just beside with
A friend that's who I need

To fight with
Make up with
To know that you need them
Believing that they need you, too
To walk hand in hand with
To argue to talk with
A friend that's who I need

And even though
I make mistakes
And never do anything right
A smile, a hug
Can change all that
And everything will be alright

Someone who'll share all my dreams and ambitions
Someone who'll love me as me
I need this person
Someone to rely on
A friend that's who I need

A friend that's who I need

this has been one of my favorite song bout friend..... kaya nga siguro pgdating s pgkakaroon ng tunay n kaibigan.. talagang ilan lang sila s buhay ko....

ung mga taong masasabi kong tanggap ako kung sino at ano tlga ako... khit p nga most of the time.. random ang utak...magulo kausap... at kung ano-ano p... these people choose to be by my side no matter what....

mejo sad lng ung song... kc nmn db... obviously... luking for this kind of person....hahaha... ganun lang siguro tlg ako kalalim mg value ng friend....

i must admit.. i have many friends and acquaintances.. but i only have a few REAL... TRUE... BESTFRIEND.... one is my bestest.... my bff... and him... (????).....

nku.. emo n nmn pala ko... so much for this.... need to celebrate life... enjoy life... ng hindi ngkakasakit dhil s stress.... hahaha...

nkkatawa nmn... ngyon ko lng naranasan s buong buhay ko n mgkasakit ng dhil lng s stress s mga tao s pligid ko... totoo... hindi nga ito usual eh.... pero nangyayari... ngkakasakit ako dhil s knila... hahaha... grabe ang dating nyo s buhay ko...

at ang nakakatuwa p sb ni bestest... it's either, mgp-check-up ako s doktor... uminom ng sleeping pills para mktulog ng maayos... or mg-ptingin s isang psychiatrist....(weird k nmn bestest)... hahaha... kulit n best...

haaizzz.... tama n nga....

when all i need....

when all i need.....

was a little respect from you.... you keep on telling me that you value everything im saying and been doing for you... pero bkit gnun???? at the end of the day.. i'll just find myself hurt of the truth n hindi totoo ang mga sinabi mo... you want me to believe of sumthing totally different from what your saying to what your doing... ano b ito.. slow k lang o sadyang stubborn k din???

was an act of obedience from you... im not doing anything to hurt you or put you in a very disgusting situations... madalas p nga ako ang nilalagay mo s gnung sitwasyon... simpleng pagsunod lng nmn for your own gud pero d mo nkikita ito... ang feeling mo... im hindering you or shud i say keeping you away from being happy... n lht ng gngwa ko for you ay para lang pahirapan k.... how cud u nmn????

was for you to trust me..... but here you've failed.... inisip mo n lahat ng gngawa ko ay hindi pabor s yo.... n gusto ko lng mhirapan k... kaya ngagawa mong m-question pati ang sincerity ng pgtulong ko s yo.. ang sakit kaya nun.... when deep in my heart.. all i really wanted was to help yo to the best that i can....

was for you to sumhow appreciate everything i'm doing.... pero kpg mlbo at mgulo n ang sitwasyon at ang paligid mo... at d n pumapabor ito s mga gusto mo... siguro nga ang tingin mo s kin isa ng kaaway.... hahaha... kakalungkot nmn.... gusto mo n ngang tumulong pero ikaw p din pala ang mppsama....

was for you to honour what i've said.... that if you really consider me as sumone you luk up to...siguro nmn you wud take time to honour wat i say.... alam mong hindi ito ang gusto kong gngawa mo pero bkit ito p din ang gngwa mo??? n kung vina-value mo lht ng sinasabi ko... sana kahit konting pgsunod may nkikita ako... eh ano kung nhihirapan k.... eh you honour what im saying eh and you respect me.... kaya khit mhirap s part mo at feeling hindi mo naiintindihan... sge n lng.. susunod ako... after all, alam mong hindi ako gagawa ng isang bagay s ikapapahamak mo...

and i guess it's really time for me to move on..... tama si bestest.... i've given so much s yo.... masyado ng madami eh... konting repect lng nmn ang kapalit nun pero hindi mo p mgawa...

now.. im on a crossroad of a decision....shud i or shud i not....????? kung ako lng alam kong hindi iyon mgging ganun kadali pero nid n gwin.... bk sakaling mkita mo ang importance ko s buhay mo at hindi iyong tipong kpg malungkot k, or hurt k, or mbigat ang feeling mo eh saka k lang makakaalalang lumapit at mglambing s kin.....

kung ano ang mging decision ko.. sigurado nmn akong mararamdaman mo ito s mga susunod n araw.... sana lang mging serious enuf din akong tuparin ito dhil hindi ito madaling gawin at pgdesisyunan....

isang siguradong bagay.. s puntong ito.. things wud never be the same or perfect again..... alam kong hindi madali.. pero determined ako.... at no one can hinder me from doing the right thing now.....

pero s ngayon.... ISANG MALUNGKOT N PAALAM PARA S BAGAY N ITO..... bk kpg n-learn mo n ang mga lessons.... makikita mo uli akong bumalik s harapan mo......

HINDI MADALI PERO S NGAYON DAPAT N TLG..... MAXADO MO N AKONG SINASAKTAN....

minsan nkakainis s pkiramdam kpg alam mo n ang isang taong very close s yo eh my tinatago..... gustuhin mo mang i-confront.... kaso mas pipiliin ko n lng n mging quiet... yaan ko n lang n siya n lang siguro mg-open... well.... hoping !!!!

after all... wla k nmang control s gusto niyang gawin... pero lam mo ung minsan ng-ho-hope k n sana nmn this time... choose to do the right thing....

pero ito yata ang mahirap gawin kapag ang puso at isip mo ang mgkalaban....

this time... hindi mo pwedeng ituro ang tama dhil s dami ng pagkakataon... bka nman minsan bugnot n siya s pkikialam mo s buhay niya.... o kaya nmn.... it's bout time to learn it all by yourself..... ewan... d ko alam kung alin s dalawa... random again...

at the end... makikinig k n lng s kwento dhil wala k nmn choice kundi ung mg-stay s side nya p din kpg mgulo at kumplikado n ang sitwasyon nya... mkinig at mkinig at mkinig at mkisimpatiya s kanya s gitna ng nararamdaman nya....

gnun siguro tlg kadesh.... ganun n nga lang siguro s ngayon...

travel....

ito ang 2 s lugar n gustong-gusto ko puntahan kpg gusto ko ng tahimik n paligid....

at ang totoo... gusto ko pumunta dito ngayon....

ewan ko..meron lang siguro tlaga ako ngayon kung tawagin ko eh "sadyang lungkot".... hahaha... weird b s pndinig.. pero un kc tlg eh... d ko maintindihang lungkot.... ok nmn ako pero sumhow.. i feel im not that really happy....

i don't know... am i missing someone or luking for something...????? o baka naman umaatake n pala si "kutob" , eh d ko p namamalayan...

d ko tlaga alam... how i wish sum one wud help me to figure out what's goin' on....

but just the same... despite of what im feeling... life must go on.. never allow urself be affected.. or else.. ..

haaaayyyyy...... (malalim n buntung-hininga...).... un lang ang kaya ko masabi now...

ayaw n mgsalita... ayaw n muna umimik....

basta s kaibuturan ng puso ko... gusto ko pumunta s isang lugar n kung saan pwede akong quiet... relax... at mg-refresh..... at mg-contemplate on things.... it's been quiet a while ng huli kong ginawa ang bagay n ito.. and i think it's about time.....

BUT HOW....???????

try ko this month.. hindi nmn masama mg-leave khit 2 days lng.... then go sumwhere n hindi familiar s king lugar.... db gusto ko nmn tlg mg-travel.....

kung saan...??? d ko alam eh.. kung san n lng siguro ako dalhin ng paa at puso ko.... pero siguradong malapit s alin man s 2 lugar n ito.....